I've decided this is getting REALLY old.
I'm just a few days shy of completing three weeks, and already yesterday I had a meltdown. I'm still trying to figure out if motherhood stresses me out, which causes me to eat, or if my NOT eating is stressing me out and making motherhood nuts. I'm really cranky these days, which leaves me little patience. And that's not a good place, you know?
It doesn't matter. Last night I definitely threw the diet out the window and snacked and nibbled after dinner without any regard for the mealplan.
Which leads me to tonight. At this point, I have eaten ALL the food I am allotted for today, and all I want to do is eat. Eat something really yummy. To top it off, tomorrow is going to be one heck of a day. In the morning I've got a scrapbooking event to go to, so there's going to be all sorts of snacks, and in the afternoon we're having people over for our annual football and chili event. Translation: a full day surrounded by friends and food. And you know that's a lethal combination!
As of today, I've lost a total of 5.5 pounds. My husband congratulated me and said I was doing a good job and that I need to keep going. I know this. But I hate it. I hate it! I hate it! The sad thing is, I'm pretty sure this weight will come back, especially after the holidays. But I'm praying that won't be the case. I'm praying that I can adopt some good eating habits and exercising habits to at least maintain a healthy weight.
This week I'm studying Chapter 4 in Matthew which deals with the temptation of Christ. He fasted for forty days and forty nights! I'm just trying to eat healthily and sensibly for forty days and can't even do that!
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One day my freshman roommate in college convinced me that she wanted to go on a fast for religious reasons. She asked me to join her in the fast and gave me a brief, but seemingly sound explanation. But after just 12 hours or so, she found out that it was the annual cheesecake night at the dining hall. She wanted the cheesecake so badly that she confessed to me that she really just wanted to fast since she had heard that you lose weight quickly that way and she wanted me to help her so she lied and told me it was for spiritual reasons so that I'd do it with her. Needless to say, we ate cheesecake, but I was mad at her for a while. True story.
On a serious note, I have ask... if you hate this diet so much, why are you still doing it? Is it for health reasons? Is it an exercise to increase your self discipline? Is it an exercise to increase spiritual discipline? Is it because you weigh X pounds and you think you should weigh Y pounds? Have you forgotten that God created sugar cane, coco plants, and vanilla beans for a reason? Do you realize that next weekend is Heather's brunch and there will be Trifle!? I will be there...demanding answers...and discreetly looking at your butt to see if it's too big, which I doubt :)
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